This is the latest wine of my secret process for making quality wines for discriminating palates. Watch for it at the better roadside cafes and lounges within a donkey's journey of Plata del Gallina. Now, I have some really exciting news!!!!!! FIDEL, THE IMPOSTER REVEALED !!!!!
Readers will remember in an earlier post that the Police Chief and I had put a tracer on Fidel Mendoza's scurrilous e-mail to people in my stolen address book that had derided my measured response to my wife's drunken behavior.
These, you will recall, were her habit of peeing all over the house, ruining my meals by letting them cook unattended for hours, and then having the audacity to announce with a slurred (ie drunken) tongue that the charred, thoroughly blackened ox or suckling pig that had been turning endlessly on my hotel-sized barbecue was ready to be served!! This after I'd been out ALL DAY working hard drumming up business for my new Ducado del Pantherpiss fine wine!!! Moreover, to add to my understandable fury, her announcement of the ruined meal was often minutes late!!!!!! Like all well-organized Englishmen, I had strict orders that my evening meal was always to be served at a precise time, in my case, 5:47:38 local time!!! Can you believe it!!!!! and can you still wonder why I'm going to DIVORCE her!!!!!!!!!
Well, I'm pleased to announce that I have found out who Fidel Mendoza, the IMPOSTER is, or rather I should say, are. It turns out that "Fidel" are two charter members of a Dominican Secret Society, EX DOLO SPHINCTER, whose mission is to rid the Dominican Republic of pond-scum prevaricators, scofflaws, cheats, liars, deadbeats, cruel slumlords, bathtub ginners, demeanors, too-clever-by-half 'super moderators' who delete innocent posts they don't like on www.lifeinthedr.com, and a host of other undesirable characteristics. In addition we learned that these two gentlemen, who call themselves, respectively, Fidel and Felix, are twin black Haitian brothers recently released from a crowded prison in the city of La Vega where they are alleged to have started a severe prison riot last March. The riot killed many inmates serving time for cheating, lying, fraud, etc., including three ex-pat Englishmen in prison for illegally selling moonshine, bathtub gin, etc., in bottles with fancy labels that concealed the deadly nature of their content. Anyway, Fidel and Felix, (both are 6', 8" tall, wear a #5 hat size, and drive a cream-colored Mercedes-Benz SL 65 AMG convertible) were released unconditionally, but will face trial for the prison riot allegations in the Fall of 2008.
Well, Ha Ha !! Do they think I'm intimidated by that information???
Lyin' Brian never dodged a problem in his 64 years (though I must admit getting out of Saudi Arabia just ahead of the Saudi Police with my cojones intact was a bit too close for comfort. I had 'exploded' after catching one of the Kingdoms' five-thousand princes related to King Faud in a compromising situation with my late wife. But, after an apology from Osama bin Laden, the brother of the offending prince, I accepted his offer of $250,000 after I threatened to sue him and his clan for $ 1.75 million).
Anyway, as soon as I can find an honest, English-speaking lawyer who can speak English good (they're very scarce in the DR), I will sue these two Fidel's for defamation. Readers could help in my search for justice by contributing to my defense fund, SLBFP*, as Dominican lawyers (if I can find an honest one) charge a lot and will transfer money from my pocket to their pocket and any money they find lying about my home or workplace. Please be generous: even US$100 bills would help.
posted by Lyin' Brian at 4:27 p.m.
1 Comment
Close this windowThe 'Compromising position' was in your mind ONLY Lyin' Brian. Your wife was having FUN playing charades at our family get together (Fun is a word you do not understand I know - it is called enjoying oneself and your wife was very good at it when allowed!).
Further, to keep the record straight, you were not being sought for "Exploding" (now THERE is a word I understand well!!), but because you tried to blackmail the family for US $250,000 in a law suit!! You could not WIN of course, (we would never allow our courts to agree to such a thing) so your claims in other places that you got this money are totally untrue! I think the wine you drink affects your memory somewhat Lyin' Brian and you write what you would LIKE to have happened not what DID happen.
The family send their regards and are happy to know where you are now living. Some will try to get over to see you real soon.
9:34 AM
FIDEL, THE IMPOSTER REVEALED !!!!!
Readers will remember in an earlier post that the Police Chief and I had put a tracer on Fidel Mendoza's scurrilous e-mail to people in my stolen address book that had derided my measured response to my wife's drunken habits.
These, you will recall, were her habit of peeing all over the house, ruining my meals by letting them cook unattended for hours, and then having the audacity to announce with a slurred (ie drunken) tongue that the charred, thoroughly blackened ox or suckling pig that had been turning endlessly on my hotel-sized barbecue was ready to be served!! This after I'd been out ALL DAY working hard drumming up business for my new Ducado del Pantherpiss fine wine!!! Moreover, to add to my understandable fury, her announcement of the ruined meal was often as much as five minutes late!!!!!! Like all well-organized Englishmen, I had strict orders that my evening meal was always to be served at a precise time, in my case, 5:47:38 local time!!! Can you believe it!!!!! and why I'm going to divorce her!!!!!!!!!
Well, I'm pleased to announce that I have found out who Fidel Mendoza, the IMPOSTER is, or rather I should say, are. It turns out that "Fidel" are two charter members of a Dominican Secret Society, EX DOLO SPHINCTER, whose mission is to rid the Dominican Republic of pond-scum prevaricators, scofflaws, cheats, liars, deadbeats, cruel slumlords, bathtub ginners, demeanors, too-clever-by-half 'super moderators' who delete innocent posts on www.lifeinthedr.com, and a host of other undesirable characteristics. In addition we learned that these two gentlemen, who call themselves, respectively, Fidel and Felix, are twin black Haitian brothers recently released from a crowded prison in the city of La Vega where they are alleged to have started a severe prison riot last March. The riot killed many inmates serving time for cheating, lying, fraud, etc., including three ex-pat Englishmen in prison for illegally selling moonshine, bathtub gin, etc., in bottles with fancy labels that concealed the deadly nature of their content. Anyway, Fidel and Felix, (both are 6', 8" tall, wear a #5 hat size, and drive a cream-colored Mercedes-Benz SL 65 AMG convertible) were released unconditionally, but will face trial for the prison riot allegations in the Fall of 2008.
Well, Ha Ha !! Do they think I'm intimidated by that information???
Lyin' Brian never dodged a problem in his 64 years, though I must admit getting out of Saudi Arabia just ahead of the Saudi Police with my cojones intact was a bit too close for comfort. (I had exploded after catching one of the Kingdoms' five-thousand princes in a compromising situation with my late wife.)
Anyway, as soon as I can find an honest, English-speaking lawyer (they're very scarce in the DR) I will sue these two Fidel's for defamation. Readers could help in my search for justice by contributing to my defense fund, SLBFP*, as Dominican lawyers (if I can find an honest one) charge a lot and will transfer from my pocket to their pocket and any money they find lying about my home or workplace. Please be generous: even US$100 bills would help.
*Save Lyin' Brian From Penury
Drink Responsibly
Drink Only Ours
Drink Ducksplatz del Pantherpiss
posted by Lyin' Brian at 12:27 PM on Aug 09 2006