Dartmouth Slumlord

In his new blog, Lyin' Brian quotes from a Halifax newspaper about his vindication in the story of a torched apartment building in Dartmouth some years ago. Well, we dug into that newspaper's archives and came across the story reprinted below of another encounter with the authorities when Lyin' Brian was a Dartmouth slumlord.

The Chronicle Herald, Saturday, July 3, 1989

SLUMLORD NEARLY DROWNS IN LIQUID EXCREMENT

By Our Crime Reporter, Julian Nosebloat

Special to the Chronicle Herald

RCMP today charged a man with justifiable attempted homicide after an ugly incident near the man’s property in Dartmouth, Friday morning.

A man identified as Brian Wales, a landed immigrant and his Great Dane dogs, Sashi and Bubbles, were found floating belly up in a pool of their combined urine on the road in front of the charged man’s property. A neighbour said the nearly drowned man, a slumlord of several ramshackle apartment buildings in Dartmouth, said Mr. Wales often took his dogs for a stroll and, “strutted around the neighbourhood like he was lord of the manor, issuing threats and abusing anyone who didn’t tug their forelock and cower at his approach.”

According to another neighbour, “We all called him Lord Asshole and he sure had it comin’ to him. I’m glad some one taught that sod a much needed lesson. He should’ve been shipped back to England in a wooden box years ago.”

The nearly-deceased Mr. Wales, a 47 year-old landed immigrant, is described by all who know him as a sociopath and all-round shitbag. Const. Beaumerde, RCMP Detachment 6, said that by mistake, the paramedics on the scene after the fracas, applied heroic measures to save Mr. Wales’s life, when they should have concentrated their efforts on the Great Danes, “because they probably didn’t deserve to die.”

The man who attacked Mr. Wales was detained by police after the incident and charged with justifiable attempted homicide. After a brief hearing before Judge Nathan Prickwire of the Nova Scotia Supreme Court, the man, identified as Fidel Mendoza, was released on his own cognizance. Judge Prickwire told this reporter that whatever Mr. Mendoza’s involvement, it was plainly justified given the character of the near deceased. “He’ll likely get a medal instead of a fine,” the judge said.

Outside the courthouse, in brilliant sunshine, a huge crowd greeted Mr. Mendoza as he emerged onto the courthouse steps after his arraignment. Shouting encouragement, hundreds of well-wishers excitedly milled about, many carrying placards proclaiming support. Mr. Mendoza, who habitually wears sandals and flowing robes, is a tall, dignified, olive-skinned but nevertheless beautifully turned-out gentleman who bears an amazing likeness to Jesus Christ.

Among the well-wishers was the premier of Nova Scotia, John Buchanan, who with megaphone in hand, became master of ceremonies at the impromptu demonstration. “Fidel has done Dartmouth, Nova Scotia and, indeed all of Canada a great, great service in trying to do what all of us would like to do, put that shitbag, Brian Wales, permanently out of the picture.”

Mr. Wales, after his release from Dartmouth Memorial Hospital, had little to say to this reporter except to suggest I was vile scum and that my malicious stories were destroying what used to be a warm relationship between him and the welfare tenants in his cockroach-ridden tenements, which also serve as crack houses. according to some.

It was likely that he then went back to one of his slumlord properties where he spent the rest of his interrupted afternoon causing great disress to pregnant welfare mothers who were late paying their rent. His technique: when the mailman delivers the month's welfare cheques to his impoverished tenants, Mr. Wales is right behind him and demand the tenants sign the cheques over to him or face eviction. When they refuse, he cuts off their power, removes appliances, or padlocks their door (that's when the tenant is out of the building snorting up with the welfare cheque money). This is not news to anybody who watches TV or reads the Halifax papers.

Another well-reported practise of Mr. Wales, whenever he's short of operating capital, is to set fire to a tenement (he is reported to own twenty) to collect the insurance. At press time, it could not be confirmed if Mr. Wales did so on this particular afternoon, but he left this reporter positvely steaming with rage, even foaming at the mouth, so one must assume he was not about to deliver turkey dinners with all the trimmings to tenants who owed him money.