THIS ISN'T A NIGHTMARE

Monday September 18th. This is REAL! It's lucky when they brought me here in the ambulance to the Ricardo Limardo Hospital they threw in my laptop. Otherwise, the world wouldn't know of my plight! Well, here it is: I, LYIN' BRIAN Wails, am STILL in this Godforsaken so-called hospital! WHY?? Because these morons at Dominican hospitals won't release you until you have paid their bill!!! How preposterous! I explained that I have a slight liquidity problem at present but that I will pay them. Yet these idiots don't seem to believe me!! Each time I mention the words "liquidity problem" those wretched medicos with their DR1 Defenders horse stomach pump reappear with beaming smiles... And each time they 'perform' another 3,000 pesos are added to the bill! This is HELL. Forgive my language, but you can see how distressed I am!!!! They also tell me that I am really very sick, indeed. They say that the medication I took, my LIFE SAVING medication, which I simply MUST have or die, was not of a good standard. This was the medication that arrived by special delivery from abroad. Either that or someone pee'd into the pepsi with which I washed it down... On top of all this, while I'm stretched out on my bed of pain, I get a Special Delivery from my internet mail service, which has the effrontery and gall to suggest I should review previous emails I sent as they may have breached the terms of service because they were abusive!!! ABUSIVE??? Those morons!! All the emails did was tell friends and close relatives, in fact everyone in my address book including myself (just to make sure they went out!) what a drunk my wife is and to prove it I included a full-colour picture of her passed out on my bedroom floor! That was only what any reasonable husband would do when he just has to get rid of his wife one way or the other, when she won't turn over the rest of her inheritance to her husband to manage for her! Anyway, the mails served their purpose because she has sobered up and even prepared the special meal on my birthday last Friday! (It wasn't anything she put in the meal that got me here, it was the exorcism performed illegally on me by that bitch, Marjorie Proops!) And as for abuse, they should be looking at that IMPOSTER, Fidel Mendoza. He stole my address book and sent to everyone in it, abusive, racist, libelous, defaming, illegal lies about me! Where are all my DR friends? I am NOT really sick and am as strong as a horse, but I need help! Somebody please bring the money to get me out of here! I'll pay you back, I promise. You know I always pay my debts and never run out on any pending bills. Oh, no! I used the wrong word! It's those four again ...