FABULOUS WINE TASTING EVENT
Yesterday, I told you about my fabulous wine tasting event in Sosua where my special offerings, etc., got rave reviews from the sophisticated locals.

There was only one disagreeable incident during the otherwise fabulous event, when one man after taking a sip of my famous Ducksplatt del Pantherpiss, refused to smile as I took his picture! Indeed, he had the nerve to spit it out, right onto the plate of hors d’oeuvres, an assortment of choice animal sphincters, which cost me a staggering 100,000 pesos, and that was just for the sphincters alone! It did NOT include the Christie crackers on which the sphincters were tastefully arranged!!!!!

Well, immediately I called 911, and the police soon arrived and dragged the screaming man away. I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so crass as to shout: “That swill was flavoured with rat’s assholes, NOT skunk assholes!” When he appears in court next year to face charges of making insane accusations at a prime social gathering, and using foul language to boot, I will ensure that the full force of the law is brought down upon his head!

Now, to more agreeable matters. You will remember in a previous post how I told of how I almost slept with the late, Diana, Princess of Wales. I did not tell you then, that the name ‘Wales’ in both our names is not an accident. I, in fact, am also of royal blood as my ancestors were fierce Welsh warriors in the Middle Ages. I am a direct descendant of one of the wildest, most uncontrollable, and fiercest of all the rulers of the feudal lands that now constitute modern Wales.

His name was Cadwallon ap Ieuaf. The modern English translation of this name is, “Brian, lord asshole of all the Wales”. Interestingly, Cadwallon, my ancestor, had a short reign, from 985 to 986 AD, when history tells us he was murdered by irate relatives of his wife’s for forcing her to sign over to him her inheritance. (That inheritance, by the way, was all the lands east of Wales that now constitute modern England.)

Anyway, that’s how Charles and I are related.

Now you can see why I’m glad that through the criminal actions of London’s Metropolitan Police, I was unable to sleep with Diana, as told in my post: “How I (almost) slept with Diana, Princess of Wales. "

It was perhaps lucky that we could not consummate our mutual passion, as sleeping with her would have been an act of incest, punishable by death, or banishment to Saudi Arabia, the course I would have chosen, anyway.

I haven’t time to write any more today, as a large shipment of pre-used colostomy bags has just been released from Customs and I must inspect them to ensure they were thoroughly rinsed before being re-cycled. Tomorrow, I’ll tell you how they will be used, and also, I’ll relate a fabulous encounter I had with Princess Diana, during a trip back to England shortly before her tragic death.

Ta Ta for now.
Contact me, Lyin Brian Wales, at lyinbrianwales@blogspot.com

Drink Ducksplatt del Pantherpiss
Drink responsibly
Drink only mine