OSAMA bin LADEN CRACKS ME UP!
As you all know, years ago I lived and worked in Saudi Arabia. There, I met Osama bin Laden when I arranged the wild festivities surrounding his wedding to fifty of his half-brothers' favourite concubines.
Osama and me became fast friends, and though I never saw him again after Joan and I left the desert Kingdom, we continue to exchange friendly greetings via email. I tell him of my successful winery/distillery in the Dominican Republic, and he tells warm, funny tales about what he has been up to in his Afghanistan cave.
I don’t normally tell jokes, because I often don’t get the point of them, and I will NOT tolerate them if the joke contains bad words. After all, as you all know, I am a cultured, educated Englishman. But, yesterday, Osama sent me the FUNNIEST joke, that had me in stitches, and I must tell it to you!
“On a beach in Israel, a rich Jew is strutting around displaying himself to the female sun-worshippers, but they’re not paying him the slightest attention. He approaches a lifeguard and complains that the girls are ignoring him.
The lifeguard looks him over and says, “Oych a bashefenish, Sammy! you’ve got to exchange those baggy skivvies with real tight trunks, then slip in a REALLY big avocado. The gals will go crazy over ya!”
Sammy does so, but instead of swooning over him as he struts around, the gals are retching and puking on the sand. Puzzled, he seeks out the lifeguard for an explanation.
Again, the lifeguard checks him over, and exclaims, “Oy vey, Sammy, you’re supposed to drop the avocado in the front!”
But before Sammy can exchange the avococado’s location, a Khaibar-1 rocket fired from a Hizbullah site in Lebanon lands on the beach and everyone is blown to bits.”
Oh, Osama, you’re cracking me up! But now, I have an IMPORTANT announcement!
YES, WE”RE HAVING A BIG PARTY!!!!
Yes, Yes, and YES! In the second weekend of August for each of the following ten years, we are closing down all the railway stations, airfields, etc., in Sosua, so we can hold a Taste and Buy street market, so that our fabulous wines, distillations, etc., can be sampled and bought by tourists, locals, and others with well-developed taste buds.
Sorry about the inconvenience, but you have to realize, including all you losers and native Dominicans, until I sell off 5,000 cases of Ducksplatt del Pantherpiss, I cannot continue with my noble animal sphincter experiments (adding flavoring to my collection of fine wines).
If you find this inconvenient, well, all I can ask is, PLEASE, have consideration for my position. I know all of you are determined as I that I continue to sell copious amounts of my fabulous collection of wines and distillations to keep me - the DR's finest English gentleman - in a lifestyle that serves as a model and inspiration to the world and, especially, to un-sophisticated and ignorant native Dominicans.
BTW, (and that’s not code for “Bite Tony’s Wigwam”), you can come back every Sunday at 11.00 am for the next 76 weekends, when we’ll l be selling our wines by the glass - at special prices – or by the ten gallon squeeze bottle size. REMEMBER, only US$100/litre, by the squeeze bottle, and SOON -- wait till you read this -- from re-cycled colostomy bags! Saludas!!
posted by LYIN’ BRIAN, after midnight (see next item) HOW TIME FLIES !!!!!!
HOW TIME FLIES!
I cannot believe it is Saturday morning and my last post was Monday. Doesn't time fly, as you get older? As a child, a week was an eon; now it is seven days. Anyway, we had the Quality Control Department from an exclusive resort come to our unique Ducksplatz del Pantherpiss Winery today, to make sure our process meets with their stringent health and safety requirements.
Well (no surprise), we passed with flying colors, and would get a gold certificate, when we added a certificate to our wines that the skunk assholes we used to flavor them, contained the warning,
“Over-indulgence in wine flavoured with skunk assholes could lead to cancer of your own asshole, unless you keep your consumption of wines flavoured with skunk assholes to less than twenty litres a week.”
Of course, we agreed, and when I slipped the Quality Control Team twenty pesos each for their help, all complimented me on the care and attention we take to ensure that our product is ABSOLUTELY superb!
The Manager of the Department even asked if she could come here to learn how to make real wine from rotten potato peelings, with or without skunk asshole flavoring, and I agreed, provided that she came after midnight, after everyone had gone to bed (wink, wink).
She marveled that we could make wine with refuse from the garbage dump, something she had never seen before, and to make it in a bathtub also retrieved from the dump!She had only ever seen grape jelly and vodka wine and did not realize that the innumerable racking, degassing and filtering processes, were totally unnecessary. Live and learn, she said, as she left, but not before I gave her a gentle pat on her generous bum, and her promise to meet me at midnight.
posted by Lyin' Brian at 10:37 a.m.
5 Comments:
2) Does copyright laws hold on the web and are they applicable to bloggers?
KW: Yes, acts done online can be copyright infringement. When you make a copy of a copyright photo, for example, and you put that photo on your website, you are making a copy (an infringement), and you are (in US law) 'displaying the work publicly' (another infringement). What is more, if you are in the US, and you do these things, you infringe US copyright law. But, if your website is accessible in another country, depending on how that country limits the application of its copyright law, you may commit an infringement there, too. Copyright law applies only within one country - I can only infringe US copyright in the US. But (a) most countries have copyright law now, and ALL members of the WTO must have it, and (b) a network of treaties means that Australian authors get protection in the US, and vice versa, all over the world. So if I, in Australia, take a photo, and you, in the US, put that photo on your website, you might infringe my copyright under US law in the US, and under Australian law in Australia.
Yes, these laws apply to bloggers. Even if a blogger is not earning any money from their blog, copyright applies: even non-commercial acts can be infringement.
Copyright Laws and the Internet
Home » Internet Law » Copyright Laws and the Internet
Works put on the Internet are considered “published” and therefore qualify for copyright protection. A work put on the Internet is not considered public domain simply because it was posted on the Internet and free for anyone to download and copy. You need permission from the site owner to publish any materials, including photographs, music, and artwork from the site.
The best way to enforce Internet copyright is through the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. The Digital Millennium Copyright Act of 1998 is designed primarily to limit the liability of Internet service providers for acts of copyright infringement by customers who are using the providers' systems or networks. The DMCA was enacted both to preserve copyright enforcement on the Internet and to provide immunity to service providers from copyright infringement liability for passive, automatic actions in which a service provider's system engages through a technological process initiated by another without the knowledge of the service provider.
To protect your rights under the DMCA, you should write a DMCA letter to the infringing person’s Internet Service Provider and the major search engines, such as google.
Protecting Trademarks
Home » Intellectual Property » Trademark Law » Protecting Trademarks
Protecting your trademark basically consists of preventing others from using your mark in a context where it might confuse consumers, and recovering money from someone who uses your mark knowing it was protected.
The laws favor businesses who first used the mark, and much of copyright law comes from the Lanham Act. The Lanham Act was designed to prevent trademark infringement. The law broadly prohibits uses of trademarks, trade names, and trade dress that are likely to cause confusion about the source of a product or service. Infringement law protects consumers from being misled by the use of infringing marks and also protects producers from unfair practices by an imitating competitor.
Wow. Lyin' Brian Wales has come up with two NEW names to hide behind above! Well, he should read the copyright laws with the same descretion and detail he reserves for his meals at Coyotes. To wit, the publishing of this blog falls well within copyright laws "fair use" exceptions, in particular, the parody clauses. For those with limited attention spans (see parody) read the last paragraph with emphasis added.
-- snip --
In its most general sense, a fair use is any copying of copyrighted material done for a limited and "transformative" purpose such as to comment upon, criticize or parody a copyrighted work. Such uses can be done without permission from the copyright owner. Another way of putting this is that fair use is a defense against infringement. If your use qualifies under the definition above, and as defined more specifically later in this chapter, then your use would not be considered an illegal infringement.
So what is a "transformative" use? If this definition seems ambiguous or vague, be aware that millions of dollars in legal fees have been spent attempting to define what qualifies as a fair use. There are no hard-and-fast rules, only general rules and varying court decisions. That's because the judges and lawmakers who created the fair use exception did not want to limit the definition of fair use. They wanted it--like free speech--to have an expansive meaning that could be open to interpretation.
Most fair use analysis falls into two categories: commentary and criticism; or parody.
1. Comment and Criticism
If you are commenting upon or critiquing a copyrighted work--for instance, writing a book review -- fair use principles allow you to reproduce some of the work to achieve your purposes. Some examples of commentary and criticism include:
quoting a few lines from a Bob Dylan song in a music review
summarizing and quoting from a medical article on prostate cancer in a news report
copying a few paragraphs from a news article for use by a teacher or student in a lesson, or
copying a portion of a Sports Illustrated magazine article for use in a related court case.
The underlying rationale of this rule is that the public benefits from your review, which is enhanced by including some of the copyrighted material. Additional examples of commentary or criticism are provided in the examples of fair use cases in Section C.
2. Parody
A parody is a work that ridicules another, usually well-known work, by imitating it in a comic way. Judges understand that by its nature, parody demands some taking from the original work being parodied. Unlike other forms of fair use, a fairly extensive use of the original work is permitted in a parody in order to "conjure up" the original.
Just can't seem to catch a break, can you Brian! HA! Loser!
He tried this legal crap on 'The Family' many years ago & was caught by his 'Cajones' as being a lyin' pseudo lawyer. We kicked his butt out of the country.
His legal jargon is all taken off the web, contrived & re worded to look realistic (but fails with "elementary my Dear Watson" mistakes) & names he chooses are always ficticious.
He is EXCELLENT at soliciting though & we would bring him back for hareem work.
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