New Burial Alternative for Dominicans!
In the interests of Canadian-Dominican friendship, the union of the Amalgamated Morticians and Artists of Newfoundland (AMAN), are offering to Dominican expats and others an exciting new burial alternative!
Read about it below in our advertisement that appeared in the St. John's, Nfld, BUGLE, in September. The service is now being offered to dead people (with one odiferous exception) everywhere in the Western Hemisphere!
(Please note that the entire corpse of the newly-departed loved one must be shipped to Newfoundland at the shipper's expense. The AMAN cannot accept ashes because there is no way they can be verified as genuine human ashes and not ashes from the fireplace or coal-burning furnace. ALSO! Neither the corpse nor the ashes of Brian Wales, aka LORD ASSHOLE, Dufus, etc., will be accepted even if shipped by his grieving widow, Linda. For one thing, he was not even a human being when he was alive! Also, the stench would be over-powering even to morticians who are used to foul odours!)
Your Dead Loved Ones Will Live Forever! Read about it below in our advertisement that appeared in the St. John's, Nfld, BUGLE, in September. The service is now being offered to dead people (with one odiferous exception) everywhere in the Western Hemisphere!
(Please note that the entire corpse of the newly-departed loved one must be shipped to Newfoundland at the shipper's expense. The AMAN cannot accept ashes because there is no way they can be verified as genuine human ashes and not ashes from the fireplace or coal-burning furnace. ALSO! Neither the corpse nor the ashes of Brian Wales, aka LORD ASSHOLE, Dufus, etc., will be accepted even if shipped by his grieving widow, Linda. For one thing, he was not even a human being when he was alive! Also, the stench would be over-powering even to morticians who are used to foul odours!)
An exciting new burial alternative offered by Bust-Your-Ashes™
Memorial Busts
(A Division of Just-In-Time Mortuary Services, Inc.)
Memorial Busts
(A Division of Just-In-Time Mortuary Services, Inc.)
After your husband (or wife) dies, let Bust-Your-Ashes™ take your loved one's ashes, mix them with sculptor's clay, then mold them with skilled artist/mortician's hands to create a replica of your loved one that you will cherish forever!
As with the ashes of deceased fisherman John Grubb (pictured left), the skilled mortician/sculptor can make a bust that is a perfect replica of your loved one!
If desired, the bust can also be dressed in any costume that the deceased wore or hankered to wear during his or her lifetime! Busts made out of ashes is just one application of this exciting new sculptor/mortician technology!
We at Bust-Your-Ashes™ have had great success in mixing ashes into urinals, toilet bowls, coffee mugs, chastity belts, and a host of other household items that are providing the bereaved with a constant reminder of their dearly departed. Just use your imagination!
Contact Bust-Your-Ashes™ NOW!
Phone 1-800-BUST-ASH, or e-mail
coolcadaver@dropdead.com
Phone 1-800-BUST-ASH, or e-mail
coolcadaver@dropdead.com
Act NOW for complete information about this exciting new burial alternative!
Look what Abigail Grubb of Widow's Tits, Nfld, says about her late fisherman husband, John Grubb, who is now with her forever!
"John had a wonderful sense of humour and the bust made with his ashes makes me feel he ain't really dead..."
John's bust now 'rests' in her parlour and Abigail feels that John has never left her.
"As in life, John is wearing his infectious grin, like he had just gotten the latest pogey cheque in the mail."
7 Comments:
You evil man! How can you make fun of death! You are an evil person to do such a terrible thing! I am going to write to Google and have them stop this despicable blog that is so full of bad words!
Don't you know how to say anything without using the awful word starting with 'f'? I am completely fed up and as soon as I get rid of my drunken wife, Linda, you'll be next, you foul fucking, blaspheming cosksucker!
Yes, I agree. I am the Moderator of the United Church of Canada, and I am extremely upset by all the hate and foul language I see on this and other blogs.
I can only implore readers to read what our Saviour Jesus Christ said in his last epipheny to the Rosicrucions, (John, 31:15)
"Hey, dudes, listen up," (I'm using the modern vernaculer, of course), "Let's get cool, man, if you want to turn the other cheek, make sure it's 're-used' (not 'used', heh, heh), and that, 'tis better you never walk in the foul darkness than falls over the stinky boots of the people who never look back unless they're unwashed, or something.'
I am disgusted!!! I have never read such shit in my life!! I'll never look at this disgusting blog again! Please, take my name off. Thank you, Diana, Princess of Wales, deceased.
See Charlie, I TOLD you she'd come back to haunt us!
Well, aren't we la-de-da! Diana Spencer, Princess of Wales, maybe you're dead or only pretending, but it's no use insisting you're no blood relation to Lord Asshole since I have it on good authority that the driver of that car in the Paris tunnel was none other than the fifth cousin, twice removed, on his late uncle's wife's side, of Brian Wales, soon-to-be, notorious slumlord in Pata del Gallina, DR.
Incidently, Brian says, "I hate neighbours, especially when they complain they're gonna sue because the digital rectal massage they received from my talented middle finger gave them incurable hiccups. And, when I sell out here and move farther back into the woods where I'll start a real winery, I'm gonna get my life back on track and start growin pot again or maybe mass produce wind-powered digital rectal thermometers to prove what a genius I am!"
Brian,
Guess where you can stick your digital rectal thermometer? That's to check whether you are a quarter or half alive after the Playero heavies have made a little visit.
Ha Ha Ha Mr. Brian Wales !!! You pay your employees nothing so we screw you to get our money, and YOUR money too!!! The Playero deal was sweet, but you have not seen anything yet. You had better look for a good bankruptcy attorney soon because we hate you and we will destroy you.
Your loyal employees,
Juan O. Acosta
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